Learning the art of baby

I have been a little horrified/ suprised but how some pregnant ladies have said that they have no idea what you need to care for a baby and have never even held one…Seriously?!? Am i the only one who finds this alarming. That there are women out there about to be given a newborn to take home and have no idea how to care for it!

Sure there are antinatal classes but these just tell you what to expect in labour. they dont teach you how to actually look after it once it is born. I have said before that I know women who didnt know babies need to be burped well thats one aspect but these women literally have no idea what they are doing. I think society needs to wake up to this issue and start a program. Maybe all pregnant women for one or two of their checkups should be made to volunteer at a childcare center to experience how to care for a baby. Or even if new mothers are encouraged to bring their babies to the clinic for hands on experience for the expecting mothers. Just holding bub, picking it up, changing a diaper and feeding it. Or perhaps we should be starting earlier than this. All college (yrs 11-12) students, male and female, have to do 5hrs volunteer at a childcare center. They should be tought how to care for another human being. Its an essential life skill.

Sending pregnant women out to prepare for bub is another issue. Its true, how do they know what to buy. In Russia new mothers are supplied with a ‘baby kit’ instead of a $1000 baby bonus.This kit contains clothes, toiletries for bub, blankets, nappies, bottles and the box it comes in converts to a crib. It gives new mums the basics to care for their children and as a result baby morality rates have gone down. So why can you not buy this from the shop. You can get gift sets which basically have alot of powders and creams in them. But why cant you get a big old box full of all the things you will need for baby?

Its true that babies dont come with instruction manuals but can we not instruct new mums in some sort of classroom. Say three sessions of how to care for a baby then you get a certificate to show the hospital before they book you in.

If i were making a baby kit it would contain:

  •  Clothes
  • Nappies
  • Bottle and formula
  • Basic toiletries
  • blanket
  • beanie
  • booties and mittens
  • Creams and powders.
  • a toy

This way the new mum at least has the bare essentials to keep baby alive and comfortable for a few weeks until they get a handle on things.

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Week 16 – adults

So in my mothers group there have been several people who have left due to nastyness from other group members. Honestly people, if you dont like a post or opinion just dont comment or read it. We are adults. No one is forcing you to reply to a post. I was even berated for commenting that Smoking while pregnant was terrible. Someone came back and scolded me because they smoke. I was like well thats your choice but medically speaking yes smoking is a really bad choice for bub. She said oh but i tried to quit and its too hard. Too hard? So is having a baby with withdrawls or a premature baby. Context people. Anyway, here are this weeks stats.

Symptoms: Constipation, gas, headaches.

Baby: About to do a growth spurt. Weighs 100g and will almost double this week. The size of an avocado.

So everyone at work now knows, some havent commented at all and mostly others have said congrats then walked off. What happened to being happy for others! Mum said to just ignore them and that my family is happy for me, i wanted to point out that actually Dad freaked out and didnt even say congrats for about a month. Frankly talking to another Canberra mummy to be we have decided that pregnancy is over rated. You just feel sick for the first 3 months then the second trimester all your symptoms go away, like all of them. We dont feel pregnant at all and frankly wouldnt believe it if we hadnt seen the ultrasounds. Its all a bit, blah. Not to mention someone lied. 20weeks is the halfway point but if you think about it 20weeks is 5months, which means we are actually pregnant for 10months, not 9. Seriously, just hurry up and be over pregnancy.

In good news my swimmers still fit so i went for a swim over the weekend. I learnt a few things. Pushing off from the wall hard makes your ligaments explode and hurts like hell. And doing backstroke gives me vertigo and i feel like im about to fall over backwards.

I am super tired today though because my BD got back from a weekend at his parents with metal in his eye. Went to the hospital and had it removed with a needle so was in pain all night and kept me awake. Not sure if he was in pain or just used to having the whole bed at his parents as i got elbowed in the head a few times when he decided to sleep across the bed rather than on his side. Plus i have no money until tomorrow so i cant even get some retail therapy. Sigh. Is it friday yet?

Cost so far

I was thinking today that I wonder how much I have spent on baby and how much is left. So here is a breakdown so far. S=Sale

  • Carseat $279 S
  • Rocker/ bassinet $135 S
  • Crib $90 S
  • bottles $26
  • Tupperware $275 (I used to sell it so im obsessed)
  • Onesies x6 $35?
  • Nappies $10
  • New cloth nappies x5 $100 S
  • terry towel nappies $20
  • Leggings x2 $20
  • Maternity clothes $80 (two leggings, a top and a nightie, bra)
  • Doctors $160
  • Ultrasounds x2 and NT blood test $570
  • Cot sheets x2 $60
  • Nappy bag $19 S
  • Face washers $15
  • wet wipes $9

So all up? $1,911 Having said that I saved $455 buying things on sale or second hand. Go me! Most of the things I still have left im hoping to have gifted. I want to know the sex before I get more clothes but that’s something that I think my mum and sister will want to buy so ill count more clothes out. I made my own bibs with leftover fabric and am knitting some booties and beanie’s with wool I already had. Im also planning on making my own cot sheets with sale fabric when I find it. So things I still have to buy:

  • Breast pump $250
  • Cot mattress $100-$200 (its dumb how expensive these are, a bit of foam would work)
  • $20 2mtrs of sale fabric per cot sheet
  • Chest of draws as change table $40 S
  • Change mat $50
  • Rocking chair $50-$200
  • Bath supplies $30
  • Pram $200
  • Sling $70
  • Sun shades $20
  • Door safety catches $40

So about another $1320! Having said this this is our first kid so there is a lot we don’t have. Second kid will have hand me downs so no cost for them 🙂 Also once bub is here there wont be as many costs for a while. I’m planning to breastfeed or express exclusively for 4-6months then make my own baby food to use with breast milk until 1year. I’m fine with using formula though but hopefully I can bare through the boob pain 🙂

Mum said that there isn’t a lot you have to buy for a new bub. I was like hell yeah there is lol its like moving out for the first time. You know the important things but you forget all the little things that you only remember when you need it. Pegs, vegie peeler, spatula, oven trays, laundry powder, herbs. When you have a baby you know the big things, cot, pram, nappies, clothes. But you forget that they are going to need something to eat out of, bottles, and something to express milk so BD can feed it, and something to clean up vomit and something to bathe them with, plus sunshades for the car and safety catches for the house. I think mums that have been out of the game a while forget all those little things that they had to get at the start. Like people are telling me I don’t need a pram. I’m like well I’m not carrying it around the shops, I will need both hands to shop, and my back one day!

Finances

Oh yes. We all have them and we all struggle. No matter who you are at some point you have had to sit down and look at those numbers and see why they arent adding up. Well thats happened to me today. My BD got paid yesterday and i asked him for $90 to get a secondhand crib as my own pay is spent and i dont get paid again until next week. He couldnt afford it. I was shocked that two adults with well paying jobs couldnt find $90.

It occured to me that although we live together we have both been living as if we are single. Our money is our own, we each pay one weeks rent, i pay groceries and he pays electricity. Yet neigher of us as far as i know has anything in the way of savings. We are both living pay day to pay day. Especially with a child about to enter our lives we cant keep doing that. Its not maintainable.

So i sat down and worked out our weekly expences and worked out how much we would each need to chip in if we were to pay these out of a central account. It was more than i had thought. We would each have to deposit $367 a week to cover everything. This isnt including car or phone charges which we each pay our own. As we both earnt the same amount this does leave a nice amount for personal use but not alot for savings. I personaly have debt, about $6,000 and would love to get that paid off but i also have to buy my car out which has been on a lease which ends September for $5000 so have to save that amount too. The option of earning more isnt on the cards as im at the top of my field unless i go back to uni and BD is earning his max unless he goes back on the highway and is away for 3/4 of the week which i dont want him to do. Added to this its high time we owned rather than rented a house. I have owned one before with my sister but it was an investment property not a forever home. To get one we have to save atleast $40,000 for a deposit. And thats for a cheap house! Short of winning the lotto i just dont know how anyone does it!

Im trying to save money by canceling my old phone which will lower my bill by $70. I try and buy homebrand food and not throw anything out. I am buying second hand furniture for bub. But i think the issue is that im not saving the difference. If i save $170 on a carseat i should be putting that $170 into savings but instead im using it to buy lunch everyday. Parking alone at my work costs $11 a day which is $110 a pay. We have foxtel and internet which comes to a combined $120 a month so not out there but i pay these things, not BD.

I know it sounds odd but i actually think i can save quite a bit of money once baby comes. I wont be working so can eat lunch at home and not driving will save me petrol and parking money. So by being at home i think it will save me $200-$300 a fortnight. My biggest challenge will be saving that money instead of spending it.

Being a boy/girl

Gender steriotypes. This is a big one for me as i studyied it at uni and frankly i think our culture is just plain odd. You give a girl a baby doll but a boy a truck. Do women not drive, and do boys not grow up to be fathers? Here are a few examples i have found on the internet that have made me cheer.

  • A little girl wrote to a toy company and complained that the easy bake oven she wanted to buy her brother had a picture of a girl on it which she thought her brother wouldnt like. The company saw her point and the box now has a picture of a boy and girl playing together. Why is an oven a girl toy when some of the top chefs in the world are men?
  • A little boy got his mum to buy him some pink striped shoes and wore them to childcare. She was worried about him being teased about it. The only people who noticed were the other parents who asked why she had let him wear them. the other kids loved them and all wanted to try them on. When he got home he told her that he hadnt picked them because they were pink, he had picked them because they were stripy. Who is the nieve one now, the kids or their parents?
  • A man let some kids at his daycare center paint his nails. The little boys told him that thats what girls did. He told them that he liked it. A few minutes later all the boys were joining in.

So folks. From this you can clearly see that its the adults who have a pre concieved idea about what their kids can and cant do based on their gender and are the ones teaching it to their kids. They dont know that pink is a girl color, you told them that. They dont know that boys cant dress up as fairies they just like wearing costumes with glitter. Being pregnant everyone keeps telling me that i cant buy any clothes yet because i dont know if its a boy or a girl. I ask them why? Can girls not wear blue, or jeans? Can a boy not wear a shirt with yellow ducks on it? We are infulencing our children before they are even born! I saw a website that advertised girl and boy bibs, the only difference i could see was that the boy ones had blue trim on them…i mean honestly its a baby why would you only be able to dress girls in pink (which i hate by the way). And they tell me that oh all little girls love pink, yeah, because thats all they have been dressed in it since birth. All the girl characters on tv wear pink in kids programs. Boys are sat down to watch bob the builder which only has one female character, of course boys will like trucks after watching it, you sit a girl down to watch it and she will like trucks too! 

Growing up i guess i was a mix. I loved wearing dresses and skirts but i also loved climbing trees and playing at the farm with my brother while my sister sat inside. She often asked me why i wore polo shirts, jeans and sneakers to the farm, i didnt look very nice. Ah maybe because i dont want to get sheep crap on my nice shoes and my dice clothes all ripped. Why would i need to look good for sheep?? She of course always did her hair and put makeup on to go out and would just stay at the farm house all day then complain she was bored. But my point is, even though i was rolling around in the dirt i was still expected to look pritty…yet no one questioned my brother wearing the same thing.  

I will be encouraging my children to be who ever they want to be, boy or girl. BD has already said our kids will be playing in the mud (his neices hate dirt). And being as he is a truck driver im sure my kids will have toy trucks from a young age, as they should.  

Career day

As I will be on maternity leave for 6-9months it gives me a lot of time to think about starting a new career. I have pretty much hated my jobs since I left CIT. Mostly because they are boring and I never have any work but also because I can see no point to my work. No job satisfaction I guess you could say. So to help me find a job im going to make some lists. I love lists lol

Things I like and am good at:

  • craft
  • design
  • marketing
  • kids
  • internet
  • sewing
  • knitting
  • writing
  • teaching
  • Qualified Library Technician
  • Experience in childcare

Things I don’t like:

  • Corporate environment
  • being told what to do
  • Having to be accountable to someone
  • 9-5

Things I want in a new job:

  • Job satisfaction
  • Sense of achievement
  • Helping people
  • Flexible working hours
  • ideally work from home
  • creative environment
  • No one looking over my shoulder

So from this I know that I don’t want to work in an office environment. I also don’t want to be at the bottom of the food chain or have staff under me. I want somewhere where I can do my work and be left in peace. This leaves few options lol I did consider selling knitted baby clothes on Etsy but I cant knit fast enough to make it profitable. I have previously done Tupperware which I loved but didn’t get enough people attending parties so felt like I was wasting my time hosting them. I am actually a published author but haven’t felt like writing since I found out I was expecting so that’s a maybe, it also only pays quarterly and I would like a steady income. This is why im thinking an online shop would be great for me. I can do it from home, stock it when I have the time around bub where it be 2am or 3pm. I get income from each sale for little outlay. I can do it from anywhere if we move (hoping to live in the country one day). Only hurdle now is deciding what to put in the shop. I can sew but have limited experience in making clothes which would be a good veture. My mother and I have both found a lack of good maternity clothes. Mostly its spandex or fitted and for the plus size lady like me both are nightmares. I have also struggled to find cute baby clothes especially for boys so there is an option but I would have to come up with the patterns myself…which I have no idea how to do. I am quite handy with creating images like posters and websites so I had thought of a graphic design angle. So I could design invitations etc. I believe I would need special software to do that though so that will be a bit of a financial outlay. I also love and am quite good at photography so could sell a few prints?

It is all food for thought though. They say everyone has a marketable skill. And I know I don’t want to live my life working a job I don’t like. I would rather have less money and do something that makes me happy. I am a bit of a jack of all trades and have tried a lot of things I decided weren’t for me, I was a bakers apprentice for 3 months (the 14day weeks killed me), I worked in childcare which I loved but was far too stressful, I joined the RFS (Rural fire service) but decided my fitness really just didn’t cut it even though I loved it, I have taken pottery classes but couldn’t think of anything to make, im a good archer but never get time to go to the range and I am a keen at home cook. I’m also a black belt in Taekwondo, and a bellydancer. As you can see I just like trying my hand at things and seeing if I like it. Im hoping to get into a quilting class before bub is born too.

What about everyone else, what is your dream job? Got any more ideas for me?

15 weeks

I have got a more prominent bump now. Of course only I can see it as to most people I would just look like im getting fatter. But to me my fat is sticking out more and is a more rounded shape. Last night was also the first time I have not felt comfortable laying on my stomach. Normally I just bring one leg up so im slightly off it but it wasn’t helping so its now side sleeping for me.

Symptoms: Still some mild food aversions. Out of breath easier. discomfort laying down. Some ligament stretching still. Swollen hands and feet from the heat at night.

Baby: The size of an apple. About 70g and 11cm long. Will react to light if shone on belly.

Im impatiently waiting for those first few kicks. I should feel them between 15-20weeks. Some girls are already getting defined kicks in my group so fingers crossed. This heat is killing me. In Canberra its been about 40c each day and not really cooling over night. Its meant to be back down to 26-33 this week which will give some relief! We don’t have airconditioning at home, all we have is a portable air con in our bedroom which brings it down to a manageable temp but by no means cool. Right now its reading 28c in our room with it on.

We went and picked up the car seat (green) and rocker yesterday. Took us a while to work out how to work both but they are fine now. Also scored a crib for $70 on facebook. Almost got the exact pram I wanted for $80 (RRP$200)  but someone else was a few seconds faster.

I have my first antenatal appointment next Friday. Then my 20 week scan on the 21st Feb. Cant wait as we should be able to see the gender at that one!

Also found this super cool Gif which shows what happens inside your body as baby grows. No wonder its uncomfortable! http://i.imgur.com/2spm4tq.gif 

Meaning well

Dont you hate that. When someone does something that really ticks you off but everyone says you cant get angry at them because they, mean well. Well shove that. One of my work colleagues has been continusiously passing comments about my pregnancy that are pissing me off.

First she asked me if my parents were upset that i wasnt married before i was pregnant. I told her no that they didnt care less and she just gave me a pittying look like, oh they are dissapointed but your just putting on a brave face.

Then she sees me buy some baby things and asks me why im getting them and gave me a lecture about how i am meant to wait for the baby shower because i will get everything then. Well considering i know maybe 5 people to attend a shower i doubt they will get me wraps and terry towel nappies for vomit mop up. Plus i hate the idea that other people will dictate how the nursery will look and i would have to run out at 8months pregnant to get all the things i didnt recieve, no thanks.

Then yesterday (this has all happened in a week) she buys dip and crackers for afternoon tea. I said no thanks as the dip was a creamy one and is on the exclusion list for pregnant women. She stormed off to my other colleague and was like, are YOU aloud to eat it, like i was doing it just to piss her off. Then they sat around the corner and had afternoon tea without me. Thanks for understanding guys.

Yesterday she also informed me not to buy a pram because i would never use it then when i insisted that i was she said to tell them what one i wanted and she would collect money and buy it for me. I pointed out that out of 6work colleagues they normally struggle to raise $50 for flowers let alone a $200 pram. Then she was horrified that I was buying baby things and asked why my boyfriend wasnt buying it all. Ah because I have my own money and dont rely on him to support me? She gave me that pittying look agian.

Everyones advice is just to ignore her but considering in my imediate work place (Library) we only have three staff including me, its not easy to ignore the only person to talk to. Plus its not just her who is doing it. Family and friends have been passing the same judgement without even realising they are doing it! Asking, so why are you buying it all from your pay? and is he being supportive? Which to a non pregnant person sound like totally reasonable questions but to me just sound like they are baging out my relationship. My other pregnant friends agree and say they never realised how annoying these questions were until they were on the recieving end of them.

One girl in my group is having a child with an african man. She bought a black baby born doll for the baby and her sister asked why on earth she had gotten a black one as her baby wont be black it will be half caucasion. Ah, why cant you buy a black doll?!? Me my brother and sister have always loved colored skin, possibly since we are so pale, my brother has always said that he wants a black fuzzy haired baby (his gf is pale and blonde so good luck there lol) and when a friend offered to make me a doll i told her i wanted it to have brown skin and black curly hair. Frankly its idiotic at the number of white dolls that are available. Way to teach your kids about multiculturalism. But im getting off topic. Why would this womans sister be so horrified that her neice or nephew had a black doll. The kid will be caramel or darker, of course you would want to celebrate that beautiful heritage. The woman pointed out that she was caucasion and had had a black doll growing up which she loved. Of course she did, kids dont care if their dolls are black or white, they are dolls! But again, thanks for opening your mouth and passing judgement.

Other things that i have recieved judgement on include:

  • Breast pump
  • Baby bath
  • Epidural
  • Not reading every book available on labour
  • buying things too early (im 4months and still getting this one)
  • not buying enough
  • buying too much
  • buying cloth nappies
  • prams
  • maternity leave
  • food aversions (this is a big one)
  • Breastfeeding
  • Bassinette’s
  • Co-sleeping
  • Money

The dumb thing is alot of these comments were based on if i will or wont use/ do these things. People seem to have alot of opinions on the matter and if you dont support those opinions then you must be wrong…

 

Voodoo

My boss seriously needs a voodoo witch doctor or something. She has the worst luck i have ever seen! I will start her story by saying that she is single so lives on a single income and pays a mortgage.

It all started last year. First she sprained her ankle which may not sound bad except that she is a crazy cycalist and rides everywhere and about 70km on weekends with friends. So she was on busses for weeks until it healed.

Then not a month later she cut her thumb off with a power tool, yes off, and had to have it re attached. She came back to work two months later to check on her leave and found that because she was still on probation she didnt have the normal 8weeks sickleave and had actually run out the week before meaning she wouldnt get paid. This was particularly annoying as she had been here well past her probationary period so should have come off it the pervious year but the paperwork had never been done. So now she had to come back to work, still on busses because she cant ride with one hand, and was still in pain. The hospital bills were very high and she didnt have enough to cover her mortgage that month due to the leave mix up. Luckily she borrowed some off her brother and all sorted it self out.

Then, yes there is more. Once she was recoverved from that about 3months later, she was the victum of identity fraud which sapped $1000 from her bank account. She rushed to the bank and did all she needed to. Unfortunatley, for those who have been through this before you will know that this money does get put back in your account but not for several (6-8) weeks. It had also overdrawn her account by $500 which is stupid becuase even she couldnt overdraw. Then when she tried to move her account the new card kept being sent to her old address despite her not having lived there for several years and the bank having her current address. Again she couldnt pay her mortgage so asked the bank to put a hardship freeze on it until the money went back in (this affects your credit rating). Two times they sent the card to the wrong place meaning that she could not access her money for nearly a month! Needless to say as soon as it was sorted out she changed banks.

What her puppy looked like

Then, as she is childless and partnerless she devotes all her attention to her schnauzer dog, Fergus. This little dood went everywhere with her literally as he had his own carrier on her bike and was the mascot for her cycle group. All her pictures at her desk were of this dog and all her stories involved him. Yes you guessed it, Fergus got sick. She noticed an ulcer in his mouth and off to the vet he went. Fergus was only 1.5years old but after several days of care his health was declining. Finally he was diagnosed with congenital kidney failure and a week later he passed away. Again, more vet bills.

I bet you are wishing you werent my boss right now, right!

So i told her that 2014 was her year! After the run of luck last year she would have a steller year this year. Yep, i was wrong. It started with a cold on new years. This cold in her first week back to work last week turned into a sinus infection and meant she had to take a few days off. Not too bad. But then yesterday her elderly neighbour who she walks his dog each morning took a turn for the worst and my boss had to call his daughter to come and see if he needed a doctor. He seemed to recover a little and they put it down to too dehydration. Then today we found out that last night he passed away after nearly 30mins of CPR from my boss and the mans daughter.   

Folks, this woman has to have a curse on her, wouldnt you say!?! Its not that she doesnt look after herself or is particularly ditsy, she is a capible self assured 51year old woman who just has the worlds worst luck. I think i might buy her a lotto ticket. But knowing her she would win then lose the ticket…

Blood types

I got an A+ on my blood results, also known as my blood type lol. I was intregued by this as i know mum is a rare type. I asked her and she is A- and dad is B+. Am i adopted?!?! Turns out that i can be a combo of theirs so its normal for me to be A+. My mother told me to stop trying to get rid of her lolHome Blood Typing Kit

I have always wanted to know what my blood type is so this was exciting for me (im a nerd i know). I went online and found some home typing kits for my bro and sis and BD. My sis imedetly said she didnt want to do one which suprised me because who doesnt want to know their blood type! My bro said yes but he is scared of needles after a bout in the hospital when he was little. I told him its just a little prick like a diabeties blood suger test. He still hates them but wants to know his type so agreed. I told him i would suprise stab him haha So i have ordered 4 at $10 each incase my sis changes her mind when she realises its only a 6min test and 4 little drops of blood.

One of the girls in my group said that her parents are A+ and B- and she is O-. This is rare and the docs think both of her grandparents must have been O and she just got a genetic throwback. The reason pregnant women have to find out their blood type is that if you are a negative type and bub is positive your body will create antibodies against the blood and could kill the next bub to come along. So you have to get anti rejection (or something) injections to stop this happening. Not to mention you can lose blood during childbirth and may need a transfusion. No idea what type BD is but i dont think it affects bub because im + anyway.