Meaning well

Dont you hate that. When someone does something that really ticks you off but everyone says you cant get angry at them because they, mean well. Well shove that. One of my work colleagues has been continusiously passing comments about my pregnancy that are pissing me off.

First she asked me if my parents were upset that i wasnt married before i was pregnant. I told her no that they didnt care less and she just gave me a pittying look like, oh they are dissapointed but your just putting on a brave face.

Then she sees me buy some baby things and asks me why im getting them and gave me a lecture about how i am meant to wait for the baby shower because i will get everything then. Well considering i know maybe 5 people to attend a shower i doubt they will get me wraps and terry towel nappies for vomit mop up. Plus i hate the idea that other people will dictate how the nursery will look and i would have to run out at 8months pregnant to get all the things i didnt recieve, no thanks.

Then yesterday (this has all happened in a week) she buys dip and crackers for afternoon tea. I said no thanks as the dip was a creamy one and is on the exclusion list for pregnant women. She stormed off to my other colleague and was like, are YOU aloud to eat it, like i was doing it just to piss her off. Then they sat around the corner and had afternoon tea without me. Thanks for understanding guys.

Yesterday she also informed me not to buy a pram because i would never use it then when i insisted that i was she said to tell them what one i wanted and she would collect money and buy it for me. I pointed out that out of 6work colleagues they normally struggle to raise $50 for flowers let alone a $200 pram. Then she was horrified that I was buying baby things and asked why my boyfriend wasnt buying it all. Ah because I have my own money and dont rely on him to support me? She gave me that pittying look agian.

Everyones advice is just to ignore her but considering in my imediate work place (Library) we only have three staff including me, its not easy to ignore the only person to talk to. Plus its not just her who is doing it. Family and friends have been passing the same judgement without even realising they are doing it! Asking, so why are you buying it all from your pay? and is he being supportive? Which to a non pregnant person sound like totally reasonable questions but to me just sound like they are baging out my relationship. My other pregnant friends agree and say they never realised how annoying these questions were until they were on the recieving end of them.

One girl in my group is having a child with an african man. She bought a black baby born doll for the baby and her sister asked why on earth she had gotten a black one as her baby wont be black it will be half caucasion. Ah, why cant you buy a black doll?!? Me my brother and sister have always loved colored skin, possibly since we are so pale, my brother has always said that he wants a black fuzzy haired baby (his gf is pale and blonde so good luck there lol) and when a friend offered to make me a doll i told her i wanted it to have brown skin and black curly hair. Frankly its idiotic at the number of white dolls that are available. Way to teach your kids about multiculturalism. But im getting off topic. Why would this womans sister be so horrified that her neice or nephew had a black doll. The kid will be caramel or darker, of course you would want to celebrate that beautiful heritage. The woman pointed out that she was caucasion and had had a black doll growing up which she loved. Of course she did, kids dont care if their dolls are black or white, they are dolls! But again, thanks for opening your mouth and passing judgement.

Other things that i have recieved judgement on include:

  • Breast pump
  • Baby bath
  • Epidural
  • Not reading every book available on labour
  • buying things too early (im 4months and still getting this one)
  • not buying enough
  • buying too much
  • buying cloth nappies
  • prams
  • maternity leave
  • food aversions (this is a big one)
  • Breastfeeding
  • Bassinette’s
  • Co-sleeping
  • Money

The dumb thing is alot of these comments were based on if i will or wont use/ do these things. People seem to have alot of opinions on the matter and if you dont support those opinions then you must be wrong…



3 thoughts on “Meaning well

  1. Wow! People really do like to state their opinion. I enjoy a group that I go to. We discuss topics related to breastfeeding, sleep, and nutrition. We always say to take the advice that you find helpful and that works for you and leave the rest. I encourage you to do this. There will always be someone to criticize you. But you know what is best for you. Congratulations on being a mom! Babies are wonderful. It sounds like you are doing a lot to get prepared. I wish that I had done more early preparation with my first. Instead I was running around doing things in the last moment.

  2. I never realized how much people LOVE to give you advice- especially other mothers. Your co- worker..I assume she has a child? I find a lot of mothers find value in themselves in being able to pass along advice to new mothers…and yes, they have the tone of taking pity…like “Oh you have know idea of what you are getting into” which isn’t it like that for us all- even them? I HATE unsolicited advice, I don’t take it well and usually become defensive. This whole process has made me more aware of how to be sensitive to others who are just becoming pregnant and simply listen to them rather than bark advice when not asked. Just my 2 cents- everything you said here…I totally understand your frustration! People (for the most part) probably mean well- but mix that with some one who needs to find worth in making other people’s lives as good as theirs…(the ones who question your BD’s involvement..the ones who say you HAVE to get this or that cause they did)’s the worst. I try to just simply say “thanks, but I got it covered” and leave it at that.

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