Meaning well

Dont you hate that. When someone does something that really ticks you off but everyone says you cant get angry at them because they, mean well. Well shove that. One of my work colleagues has been continusiously passing comments about my pregnancy that are pissing me off.

First she asked me if my parents were upset that i wasnt married before i was pregnant. I told her no that they didnt care less and she just gave me a pittying look like, oh they are dissapointed but your just putting on a brave face.

Then she sees me buy some baby things and asks me why im getting them and gave me a lecture about how i am meant to wait for the baby shower because i will get everything then. Well considering i know maybe 5 people to attend a shower i doubt they will get me wraps and terry towel nappies for vomit mop up. Plus i hate the idea that other people will dictate how the nursery will look and i would have to run out at 8months pregnant to get all the things i didnt recieve, no thanks.

Then yesterday (this has all happened in a week) she buys dip and crackers for afternoon tea. I said no thanks as the dip was a creamy one and is on the exclusion list for pregnant women. She stormed off to my other colleague and was like, are YOU aloud to eat it, like i was doing it just to piss her off. Then they sat around the corner and had afternoon tea without me. Thanks for understanding guys.

Yesterday she also informed me not to buy a pram because i would never use it then when i insisted that i was she said to tell them what one i wanted and she would collect money and buy it for me. I pointed out that out of 6work colleagues they normally struggle to raise $50 for flowers let alone a $200 pram. Then she was horrified that I was buying baby things and asked why my boyfriend wasnt buying it all. Ah because I have my own money and dont rely on him to support me? She gave me that pittying look agian.

Everyones advice is just to ignore her but considering in my imediate work place (Library) we only have three staff including me, its not easy to ignore the only person to talk to. Plus its not just her who is doing it. Family and friends have been passing the same judgement without even realising they are doing it! Asking, so why are you buying it all from your pay? and is he being supportive? Which to a non pregnant person sound like totally reasonable questions but to me just sound like they are baging out my relationship. My other pregnant friends agree and say they never realised how annoying these questions were until they were on the recieving end of them.

One girl in my group is having a child with an african man. She bought a black baby born doll for the baby and her sister asked why on earth she had gotten a black one as her baby wont be black it will be half caucasion. Ah, why cant you buy a black doll?!? Me my brother and sister have always loved colored skin, possibly since we are so pale, my brother has always said that he wants a black fuzzy haired baby (his gf is pale and blonde so good luck there lol) and when a friend offered to make me a doll i told her i wanted it to have brown skin and black curly hair. Frankly its idiotic at the number of white dolls that are available. Way to teach your kids about multiculturalism. But im getting off topic. Why would this womans sister be so horrified that her neice or nephew had a black doll. The kid will be caramel or darker, of course you would want to celebrate that beautiful heritage. The woman pointed out that she was caucasion and had had a black doll growing up which she loved. Of course she did, kids dont care if their dolls are black or white, they are dolls! But again, thanks for opening your mouth and passing judgement.

Other things that i have recieved judgement on include:

  • Breast pump
  • Baby bath
  • Epidural
  • Not reading every book available on labour
  • buying things too early (im 4months and still getting this one)
  • not buying enough
  • buying too much
  • buying cloth nappies
  • prams
  • maternity leave
  • food aversions (this is a big one)
  • Breastfeeding
  • Bassinette’s
  • Co-sleeping
  • Money

The dumb thing is alot of these comments were based on if i will or wont use/ do these things. People seem to have alot of opinions on the matter and if you dont support those opinions then you must be wrong…

 

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Foot in mouth

Things that we say everyday can get annoying. I have noticed this latley with being single at the start of the year and every conversation was, dont worry you’ll find someone. Like i was worried? Sorry but i just got out of a bad relationship a month ago and would like a little me time thanks. Why do i need a guy to be happy?? This is what prompted me to contact my friend who was also single in the hopes of getting a normal conversation out of him. We started dating so i guess that plan back fired and he is BD (baby daddy) 😛

But recently its been the pregnancy comments. Was it planned or an accident? What does it matter and how is that any of your business! Is it a boy or a girl? Im 10 weeks how the stuff should i know and again, why would you need to know? 

Im super careful when asking others about their plans. Rather than, you will be next, or when are you having some? I ask, are you planning on having kids? Because frankly some people cant have kids and some people just dont want them and some people would love them but havent found anyone to have them with. Besides the fact that when you are in a relationship with someone unless you are actually trying to fall pregnant how are you meant to know when you will get pregnant?!? One day, is my usual answer but frankly i think the whole thing is rude. People have also been warning me that strangers on the street will start coming up and rubbing my belly and asking me, when are you due, boy or girl…im dreading it, i hate people and frankly im not telling strangers my personal information.  

I relaised this morning that i accidentily did this to a co worker who congratualted me. She said she was really jelious and i told her that i fell really quickly so not to worry she might be knocked up next year. Cringe. I broke both my rules! I told her not to worry that she will find someone (then suggested she hook up with the IT guy), and i implied she wanted and could have kids…I fail. But at least i can recognise my failures lol

Im anticipating the marrage question tomorrow when my indian workmate comes back from leave. She is a bit traditional and i think it will bug her that im unmarried and pregnant. Sigh, ill have to think up some good come backs for strangers. Thankfully as im fat i dont think i will show until right near the end.  In he mean time here are a few internet suggestions:

1. When are you going to have kids?

  • “As soon as I figure out how.”
  • well, we’re waiting to see how yours turn out before we decide
  • “I’m part of the The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.”
  • “When cannibalism is legalized….” *licks lips*
  • “When I can be sure of doing a better job of teaching manners than your parents.”
  • Please don’t ask me, or anyone else, again

2. When are you getting married?

    • When are you getting divorced?
    • When are you losing weight
    • When are are all treated equaly (gay marrage)
    • When you pay for it
    • Why should we (most people dont have an answer to this)

    And of course the ultimate come back. Just stare at them then walk away.